Doomsayers and mental health experts fear the worst tonight after a videotape of the Matrix slipped past Bill Gate's protective entourage.

"Look, we're just trying to save him from himself," says an insider within Bill Gates' entourage. "But there's only so much we can do. We can't be held accountable if reckless film-makers keep making irresponsible films for impressionable people like Bill.

"It's clear these people lack a social-conscience. Have you seen 'I, Robot'? What happens when Bill sees it?" He adds that all things considered, now is probably a good time to invest in robotics companies.

"We've been concerned something like this might happen for some time now," said Bill Hennessy, Gate's chief of security. "Ever since Patent No. 6,754,472, the whole staff has been antsy."

Patent No. 6,754,472, published in mid-June 2004, describes a way of transmitting data and power through the skin using devices worn on the body. Researchers say that as of March 2004, Microsoft has pulled ahead of MIT in the search for a means of harnassing bio-electronic power.

Meanwhile, critics of Microsoft's business practices say it is already too late to stop the company from taking over yet another market.

As noted paranoid and technophobe James Watson puts it, "We're powerless to prevent it happening. He has most of the world's money. Only his psychiatrist, Dr. Ann Collette, stands between Gates and the enslavement of humanity.



"Microsoft's use of software patenting, proprietary data storage formats and monopolist business practices constitutes an intricate web designed to enslave all of creation. He must be stopped at all costs, before it is too late."

The San Fransciso Daily Tech-Wire notes, "Their buggy, insecure operating systems are filled with security flaws that leave user data exposed to viruses and trojans. Having wreaked that kind of preventable chaos, Microsoft has just announced they're going to be releasing a standalone antivirus product. Do you see what kind of Criminal Mastermind we're up against? Nothing can stand against that sort of fiendish cunning."

Many believe that Bill Gate's psychiatrist is the only person who could persuade the billionaire to give his pursuit of world domination and perhaps spend his days gardening instead, along with a spot of reading in the afternoon followed by a nice walk.

But not all members of the mental health fraternity regard her warmly. "She's a turncoat," says Phil Petersburg, Chairman of the Amalgamated Psychiatrist Union. "What is she doing working with the Enemy?"

Dr. Petersburg points out that for the last decade, Windows products have inflicted incalculable damage to the mental health of the globe. "No one has tallied the numbers, but our estimates indicate that the mental health cost to developed nations treating nervous tension, hysteria and post-Blue Screen trauma could now be in the billions of dollars.

"We see a lot of people, some in a pathetic state," he adds. "I'm treating one fellow at the moment who hides under his chair moaning, 'Make-the-paperclip-stop-bouncing! Make-the-paperclip-stop-bouncing!' If I wasn't a long-term sufferer of their OS-related frustration myself, I'd have to give Gates a commission just for driving up business."