Schools see economic benefits in not teaching students how to read.

MELBOURNE Australia - The State Education Department of the Australian state of Victoria announced recently that its public schools would no longer be using books. Victorian Education spokesperson, James Smithson, stated that books were no longer necessary in a modern schooling system.

"Our marketing department, after extensively researching the needs and wishes of our clientele (students), has concluded that books are an anachronism. Seventy percent of our clientele who were surveyed said they didn't read or like books. So we are simply getting rid of them."

School libraries across the state are selling off their books to local second hand stores and using the extra space and money to set up Internet cafes and sporting facilities for the general public. "It's a great step forward," said Smithson. "Previously, public schooling cost the taxpayers millions of dollars, now they can pay their own way. Instead of being a social drain, public school students are proving useful for once as waiters and maintainers of sports equipment."

In line with the new policy, English departments in state schools no longer study anachronistic texts such as Shakespeare. Instead, reality television has become the main element in the state's English curriculum. Schools are encouraged to set up their version of "Big Brother' or "Australian Idol.' One school in Melbourne has locked the entire year eleven cohorts in a hall for a month and is filming the experience. We're encouraging the public to vote out whoever they don't like. The first one hundred voted out will be expelled.

"This will be a further saving," stated Smithson, "We hope this school's innovative ideas will be followed by others across the state."

The Victorian government hopes its revolutionary new approach to public education will be followed by other state systems across the world. "The poorer youth in our society are an untapped resource," said Education Minister Fiona Bapple. "Why waste time and money teaching them to read when they provide the rest of society with services at very competitive prices?"