The Democratic primary race finds itself floundering with no frontrunner - and no possibility for a knock-out win... Fortunately, decades ago the Democratic elders foresaw the potential for such a situation, and in their wisdom established an elite class of guardians of truth and right and party unity: the Super Delegates!

Now, in the Democratic Party's darkest hour, it is time for this daring group to jump into action and fulfill their function: prevent the Democratic party from being too democratic!

We must remember the intent of a political party is not to represent the collective choice of its members, but to ensure its continued existence. It lives to produce winners.

The Superdelegates, more properly referred to as the League of Unpledged Delegates, comprise about 20% of the delegates who show up to the (political) party's (nominating) party.

They were introduced several decades ago after Democrats lost a few agonizing presidential elections with out-of-the-mainstream nominees. We're glad that hasn't happened since. The non-mainstream candidates, we mean.

So the reasoning behind the inclusion of supers was very reasonable: First, to ensure they don't wind up with candidates who are out of sync with the party, because there is a danger that voters in the party could be out of sync with themselves! Secondly, to avoid choosing a candidate who is extreme - because that's a role traditionally left to the Republicans. (Somehow they can get away with it.)

It's becoming increasingly clear that the Republican approach to allocating delegates - winner take all, total domination - is the more American, more efficient way to run primaries. It is the way the general election works after all.

In contrast, the current proportional allocation that's all the rage with the Dems right now perpetuates their perception as wishy-washy hand holders. They don't need that. They'd rather be known as a party of conviction, not deliberation. (Not de-liberal-ization either - that's another thing left to the Republicans.)

Now is the time for Superdelegates to embrace the powers they have been given, fire up some cigars, and head for some back rooms. The American way of life depends on.

[Note: Brainsnap is not responsible for the details of the delegate offer mentioned in the title, which is a contract between the Democratic Party and its constituent voters and is subject to change at any time - e.g. if it is revealed that a superdelegate who is also a governor was involved in a prostitution ring and has to resign, the number of free bonus delegates may be reduced. Just for example.]