You don't have to make tough sacrifices to show you love the Earth. This is America after all! So to allow you to continue life as usual with only a few concessions to win the respect of your eco-friends and future generations, here are a few tips from Brainsnap (a proud member of the Better Living Through Trendy Greenwashing initiative)...

Hey, have you ever wanted to really annoy all those stupid foreigners out there, and as an added bonus remove that terrible burden of World Supremacy? Follow our easy step-by-step guide and you will soon be basking in mediocrity and the disdain of the rest of humanity!

Bureaucracy is an essential and ever present element of Earthly existence, like air and Mormons. However, it is one of the most misunderstood components of society. If you asked a selection of the general public to define bureaucracy you would inevitably be met with blank stares (partly because the majority of the general public are absolute dullards who cannot define anything, but also partly because bureaucracy is an enigma). Few understand it, but they know it when they see it- again a bit like Mormons.

The following is an excerpt from the script for a lecture conducted by Nikolai Stephens at Oxford University (Adelaide Branch) earlier this year. We have published it for your edification.