HARARE, Zimbabwe - Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe denounced Rory Gilmore of The Gilmore Girls yesterday for the irresponsibility of her actions earlier this year.

"I'm very disappointed in some of the decisions Rory has been making over the past season," Mugabe told foreign journalists in Harare. "Rory is an intelligent and sophisticated young woman. However, her knee-jerk reaction to the suggestion by Logan's father that she may not have all it takes to be a great journalist offers insight into a darker, immature side of her nature. When she skipped off and stole a yacht with that rich jerk from Yale, she broke my heart."

The show's writers seem to have acknowledged the possible short-comings of a perfect childhood for preparing Rory for the complexities of adulthood, Mugabe speculated. The dictator also specified an intense dislike of Taylor, Stars Hollow's town busy-body.

"In my country, we have ways of dealing with the likes of Taylor," he warned, speaking of the character whose well-intended officiousness offers such an effective counter-point to the witty female leads.

"I would hold the pistol and execute him myself. That is how such people should be dealt with."

Other world leaders who have claimed to be fans of the show include Tony Blair and Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon.

"My favorite character is Luke," Sharon has admitted, speaking of the brusque, laconic 'man's man' who runs the Star's Hollow diner. "I just love that guy so much. He and Lorelai are clearly meant to be together - it's so hard watching them struggle to overcome the psychological obstacles that lie between them," Sharon confessed in a frank, two-hour interview with Barbara Walters to be screened later this fall on the Biography Channel. Ariel Sharon later broke down and wept in the interview, revealing through muffled sobs that Rory's move back to Emily Gilmore's house at the end of last season had caused him undeniable grief and compassion on behalf of the girl's mother, Lorelai.

"She's such a good mother... so beautiful, so strong. I wish she'd been my mother. My mother used to feed me catfood and whip me and tell me I was weak, weak..."

Meanwhile, President Mugabe of Zimbabwe has vowed to use all means necessary to pressure the producers of The Gilmore Girls to bring the errant Rory back to her senses.

"I've ignored her idiotic praise of Ayn Rand as a high school student and foolishly looked past her impetuous decision to study at Yale, abandoning lifelong dreams of studying at Harvard," Mugabe admitted to foreign journalists. "But it's becoming apparent to me that Rory is more similar to Yale Alumnus Richard and Emily Gilmore than her free-spirited mother. I can't imagine Lorelai dating one of the snobbish billionaire Huntzbergers. Plus, Rory broke up Dean's marriage by having an affair with him... The question beckoning to be answered is: who the hell is Rory Gilmore nowadays, anyway?"

Visibly agitated at angelic Rory Gilmore's downward spiral, Robert Mugabe broke off his interview with foreign press to fire AK-47 ammunition into the air. Before being driven away by his bodyguard in a Russian-surplus jeep, he cautioned: "The thematic synthesis of contemporary womanhood within the quirky culture of small town America is being undone by Rory's drift back to her amoral patrician ancestory. I suggest the script writers reevaluate their character development - perhaps illustrating Rory's coming-of-age with her torching the Stars Hollow town hall, burning the crops and disembowelling the Huntzbergers, as they clearly and so richly deserve."

Editors note: The opinions of president Robert Mugabe on The Gilmore Girls in no way represents those of Brainsnap or its staff. Any similarities are purely coincidental.