A world-renowned psychic announced this week that she foresees a clear-cut resolution to the War on Terror--by 2083.

More than four years after September 11th introduced Americans to a level of terror rarely seen outside international news reports, the pronouncement by Madam Rosalia Zembendu comes as encouraging news.

Ms Zembendu released a press statement announcing that there will be much "tribulation and trepidation before the forces of freedom, light and all things nice vanquish the evil oppressors and harbingers of fear and nastiness."

"It came to me in a dream. A deep resonating voice repeating those words over and over again in front of four huge burning digits. When I looked closer I saw that they were '2' '0' '8' and '3'. Clearly the war will end in 2083... or maybe 3028, or perhaps even 8032. But I think the earliest date is the most likely."

President Bush's approval ratings dropped to a new low, as a result of uncertain prospects for Iraq and weather patterns that clearly dislike him. While the hurricane season is far from over, the White House seized on the statement to allay the general sense of public uneasiness.

Said spokesperson Arnie McClownan, "This ought to reassure the American people that the resolute and steady leadership of President Bush will pay off, and not just for Halliburton executives. Madam Rosalia has never been wrong in all her years of gazing into the future."

Over the past decades, she is credited with succesfully predicting the New Zealand invasion of U.S. islands in the Pacific, Tom Cruise's descent into creepiness, the inexplicable popularity of Jessica Simpson, and other major world events and cultural phenomenon.

Vice President Dick Cheney has also made some predictions. This June, he said he expects the conflict in Iraq to be resolved before the end of George W. Bush's term as president, although he cautioned that "I think we may well have some kind of presence there over a period of time."

He told troops: "It's not the kind of conflict that's going to end with a treaty signing on the deck of the USS Missouri at the end of the day. It's a conflict that will be with us for a good many years to come."

Cheney is also famous for saying that the War on Terror would not be won in our lifetimes. In October 2001, he told the Washington Post that "It is different than the Gulf War was, in the sense that it may never end. At least, not in our lifetime."

He added that "You can't predict a straight line to victory."